You Need To Forgive Yourself...
Greetings from New York! The city is full of light and it is the best time to let GUILT go, just before Christmas 🎄!
In my last newsletter, I shared three major feelings to shift your energy when you are not in the mindset:
ANGER – I am angry with a) the person who I am struggling with or b) myself
GUILT – I feel guilty for my choices and immediately start to blame myself
DESPERATION - I focus on what is happening today, I feel stuck with various choices of fear
Today I will talk about GUILT and DESPERATION! For some people (and I find, for me in particular) self-blame is keeping me in the depression more than other external factors. A nasty voice that keeps saying you are useless, it is your fault; you could have done it differently… This voice is keeping you in desperation mode.
Losing this voice is a lifetime journey, I wish a had a pill or recipe to say “when you take this, this voice will be gone”…The good news here is there are easy ways to navigate the voice so that it doesn’t keep you stuck.
1. You need to remember that the past is the past.
There is no way to go back in time and handle the situation differently. When humans find a method for time travel, we can discuss what to do there 😉. I always say “ok, I messed up, there is no way to go back, so Gül, come back to the now”. It sounds creepy to talk to yourself, but it really works!
2. When you are in the moment, just check is it a real problem to worry about.
There is a famous diagram for this, I loved it when I first saw it and anchored it in my mental memory! I start to visualize it and reply to the questions in my mind. Give it a try next time :)
3. After I realize the ‘No Worries’ option makes sense, I practice self-forgiveness.
I usually do a quick healing session on myself to release the guilt and resentment. If you are not familiar with healing, you can simply meditate to forgive yourself! (I am planning to record a self- forgiveness meditation in 2020, when it is ready, I will share it with you!)
If I am not in ‘No Worries’ mode (especially if the tears are falling), I do not force myself to meditate, I simply force myself to walk! As mentioned before, it does miracles, check here.
4. Shift forgiveness to SELF-LOVE
Loving yourself is the key to any obstacle in life and actually to most of the illnesses and diseases. It is like a muscle that you don’t use, you have been using the self-blame muscle, so you need to work out your self-love muscle. The easiest way is to repeat the affirmation “I love and forgive myself more and more everyday”. Find a way to see it every day, post it on your mirror, make it a phone cover photo, add it to your laptop screen or make it your alarm label J We all have our own ways, pick the one that is applicable for you! I will share more on Self-Love in upcoming Newsletters in 2020!
I want to remind you of Rule 18 from “40 Rules of Love by Elif Shafak”. Once you change the way you treat yourself, lower the volume of self-blame and start hearing the voice of LOVE, the world will change how it treats you…
