Let's Talk About Handling Anger...
In my last blog, I shared my personal struggle when I moved to a new cold city with a new job. I’m dedicating this month to the question: How can you shift your energy when you are not in the right mindset?
Throughout the month of December, I will share my top 3 actions you can start implementing by yourself!
When I have struggles or crises in my life, usually I am sad, feeling lonely or crying. Working as a healer, I realized that those moods are actually coming through three major and deeper feelings. If I manage to shift my energy or mindset it eventually eliminates the feelings and I am able to cope with the situation or manifest a miracle solution.
ANGER I am angry with a) the person or scenario I am struggling with or b) myself
GUILT I feel guilty for my choices and immediately start to blame my self
DESPERATION I focus on what is happening today, I feel stuck with various choices of fear
My experiences with my clients are similar; in order to shift our reality, we need to shift our energy. Today we will talk about ANGER!
Anger resonates with anger, Love resonates with Love. Healing is shifting anger into love!
1. Try understanding where the anger is coming from. Who or what is irritating you?
This step is the easiest one; when you are angry, you already feel it on your skin. In my situation, I was clearly angry at my boss and the cold, dark Luxembourg was really irritating me.
2. Why actually they are bothering you, why you are angry?
Usually, the first reason is just what is on the surface, the shallow reply of the victim mentality. This is where you need to take action: start journaling about it. “I am angry at my manager because he doesn’t understand or value me. I am working more than 12 hours to get things done, he doesn’t even say thank you…”
As I mentioned in my newsletter related to journaling, the initial paragraphs are just dumping your anger around the blame game. The self-realization at the bottom of the issue comes when you keep writing, ideally 2-3 pages! This step is key to moving forward. When you realize what the issue is, the victim voice starts to disappear, which paves the way to see the situation through a different lens.
3. What can be the potential different lens?
In order to see other perspectives, you need to detach yourself from the situation. You can ask yourself “Why is my manager is acting like this?” Some potential replies are “He is really stressed about the new launch, his manager is actually pushing him harder” or “She is actually a nice person, but when it comes to delegation she is a nightmare"…
When you choose to explore other perspectives you may understand the circumstances that drive them. It does not mean that you agree with the circumstances, it is just to detach yourself from the story. Please remember that choosing to understand the other party takes time and practice.
One of the books that helped me tremendously to digest this mindset is “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” by Don Miguel Ruiz (yes, almost all my clients read it during our sessions!) Although it is a very thin book, it is a lifetime bedside table book for mindfulness. Every time you read, you will realize new information - I've read it 4 times so far!
4. Forgive!
Forgiving is a big topic, I could write many newsletters on how to forgive! Here we will only focus on forgiving as a fourth step of shifting anger. It is the final step, it is easy to forgive when you dump your anger, realize the bottom story and see it from a different perspective. However, it is hard to forgive during initial anger, simply saying “I forgive” can be ok but “feeling the forgiveness” in your heart doesn’t happen immediately!
After the realization steps, which usually takes 10-15 minutes, you can spend an additional 5 minutes on forgiving the person or situation at an energetic level. Just close your eyes and talk to that person in your mind with a forgiveness speech or write it down.
I usually do forgiveness work on a soul and energy level, meaning that I do not feel the burden to talk to that person in reality. The energy will transmit my message, and when I am ready to talk in a calm and problem-solving mode, I reconnect (sometimes I never connect with the person, the bad blood is lost in the air when I shift, forgiveness is also contagious as a smile 😊)
Those four steps help me to move from ANGER, after that I start working on GUILT (talk to you next week 😉)
The last word, let me remind you that, here I am sharing practical tips that can help you to build your toolbox to overcome a crisis. I am perfectly aware of the fact that forgiveness work is a tough one (this is why we have coaches, psychiatrists and healers… we do a ton of forgiveness work in our sessions) if you work by yourself and see it is not possible for you to forgive: give yourself a chance to start forgiving more and more every day! Every little step counts and it takes time!