Energy Vampires and how to deal with them
I learned the phrase ‘emotional vampires’ from the book “Emotional Vampires” by Albert Bernstein. He uses the phrase "emotional vampire" for people with various personality disorders who are often considered to drain emotional energy from others.
In the book Dr. Albert Bernstein shows you how to recognize each vampire type; antisocial, histrionic, narcissists, obsessive-compulsives, paranoids and deal them effectively without being drained. He does not go into detail on what drives people to act as vampires, but instead he focuses on practical solutions of how to deal with them. There are some really useful examples and solutions, especially in situations where you can’t set physical boundaries, such as in your workspace.
Who are “emotional vampires”?
Emotional vampires are people who simply drain your energy. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. They feed on your willingness to listen and care for them, leaving you exhausted and overwhelmed. They can be anywhere and anyone.
How do I understand if I have one?
There is so much information given in the book I mentioned, and you can also take a look online for more information on the characteristics of energy vampires. If you have time, I highly suggest reading the book but if you cannot just yet then here are a few of my tips for knowing if you have an energy vampire in your life and how to deal with them.
The simplest way is to check how you feel after meeting this person, usually you feel simply drained and deep down you wish you never spent that time😀. In my experience, even before the meeting, deep down you do not want to go there. Some common characteristics:
They do not take accountability
They are always involved in drama ( and they definitely want to talk about it rather than your issues)
They struggle to feel genuine happiness for another person
They usually seek emotional support to boost their self-esteem.
How can I get better at understanding different emotional vampires in my life?
It is a valuable concept to learn however when I look back on my healing journey, I have to admit focusing on others instead of yourself made me spend so much time, energy and money with healing. Therefore, I want to share you my top 3 tips that I wish I knew before reading the book and the best solutions I have found.
1. Be aware of your ‘victim’ side
I read this book almost 8 years ago, in the early days of my healing journey. That time I was still playing the victim for a lot of what was going wrong in my life; therefore it was easy to see the vampire side of others 🙁
It is normal and even a sort of default mode for most of us to play the victim. This is because we live in a society where this is a common viewpoint. Especially in Eastern cultures, blaming others instead of free will is a bit more dominant.
Over the years I realized that a lot of healing world practices are based on “cutting the ties” with others, seeing everyone as potential vampires who drain your energy. You have a mean mother in law- no matter what you do she doesn’t gets you, your colleague is jealous of you- there is evil eye, your manager is treating you really bad- even though you are an amazing hard working employee. After spending almost 5 years in various healing sessions and thanks to coaching I understand the importance of ‘accountability’, which simply means ‘yes the world is like that, what you are going to do with it’. After combining both techniques to handle my own issues, I experienced myself how effective the process can be.
What is the process here? First, you need to understand what is the root cause of this issue? Why did it happen? Then the most important question is what did it teach you? Only after realizing your lesson in this issue, can you truly forgive someone. Cutting energy ties (clearing, realizing blocks) works best after dealing with the piece on true forgiveness first. The last step is what you are going to do with realization afterwards…
Understanding the various types of people who drain your energy is enlightening; however, the path is faster when you first dare to look at your darkest corner. Remember when you change the world changes and you will attract those people LESS to your daily life.
2. Learn how to set healthy boundaries, instead of blaming others
Once you have gained clarity on the “emotional vampires” in your life, it is important to act and start setting boundaries. This was something I really struggled with for two main reasons.
What they think about me? What will they talk about me?
I have social obligations , I can’t just stop seeing them
I struggled a lot in adopting most of the teachings to my daily life in my first 5 years of my healing journey. The two issues I mentioned above made me waste so much time on many issues and setting health boundaries is one of them. Those 2 issues are the most common ones in my healing sessions with my clients as well. If I can go back in time, there is only one reply that I will give to my younger self “People will talk no matter what you do and you are valuable than anyone” Therefore drop all the healing work you are doing, just focus on loving yourself 😀
Setting healthy boundaries is all about making sure you have boundaries to make you mentally and emotionally stable. Those are your limits, when you tune in to your true self, when you are direct, you can find and express them easily. It is all about self –care and permissions. Especially after realizing your ‘emotional vampires’ it is more important that know what to do with that.
3. Learn to protect your energy space
In an ideal world we would just cut energy vampires from our lives entirely but often we do not have the freedom to do this immediately, especially if the person is a colleague, manager or neighbor, for example. 😊
Therefore, you need to first set healthy boundaries with your actions and then make sure that you protect your energy field. This step is vital especially for highly sensitive people and empaths, so that they do not take all the heavy energy on themselves. Here are some basics things you can do to protect your energy.
In your imagination, put yourself in an energy bubble and zip it up (here you can invite Arch Angel Michael to add an additional protection layer)
Place a little mirror to reflect the energy to your surrounding (on your desk)
Use sage to clean the energy in your physical space
Use crystals or stones to guard your energy (black tourmaline, smokey quartz, hematite, malachite)
Do a little meditation to clear and balance your energy after you spend time with them
I hope that this blog has been helpful in recognizing the “emotional vampires” in your life and given you the encouragement to set healthy boundaries to prioritise yourself.