How Does Fear Manifest in Real Life and How to Overcome it
I will be on a sabbatical break for 2 months - Feb and March! In addition, I am coming back 50% part time to my corporate job! It may sound amazing, bold and super cool. However, in this blog post I want to share the real and unpleasant stuff. How I struggled with FEARS during the decision-making process, they were so high I literally needed to put myself in bed from manifesting sicknesses 😞 And I decided to share it with a wish that it would resonate with you if you are scared to CHANGE your life!
For those who are not familiar with the term sabbatical, it is simply an unpaid leave for couple of months with a grantee of your current job when you come back. If you are a corporate employee, it is simply your chance to give a clean break after all the hard work without worrying if you have a job when you come back!
I was planning to take a break in 2020, taking my sabbatical and focusing on healing. Instead of just having a break, I also decided to come 50% part time to my corporate job and spend more time on healing. It seems like a logical decision, I was always booked with my sessions, I had to work with a waitlist for a long time and I know how much I love my client sessions.
However, there is not only a healer Gul. There is another one, which was dominant in all my life. Driven by success, labels, corporate career. Since I was a kid, I had to attend exams to go to the best schools, get a decent education to work in a nice company. Some of my old fears started to attack me at nights. I have no idea why they choose nights. The image I portrayed during the day was confident in my decision to take a corporate career path, however when it is just me and my pillow the FEARS are there to talk.
On the one hand, finally I had the chance to be the dreamer I craved to be and focus on what I want to do more than what I should do. On the other hand, my inner dark voice was questioning ‘Who do you trust? Seriously, with your immigrant status?! Your mortgage is depending on your work! Your family is not rich, you are not a citizen of a country where the government pays unemployment, if you don’t work you are basically no one’. Simply it was the voice of FEAR! My logical mind was telling me to calm down, it is only part-time, the worst scenario you come back, but to be honest even the idea of half salary was enough to trigger all my fears. I even said: ‘Part-time seems like a logical choice when you have kids, not when you have dreams.’ And I was thinking how stupid I am to make all those decisions all together??? Why didn’t I decide on sabbatical, come back, work for at least 6 months and then think of part-time?
All those things were happening when I was in my Seattle-New York-Istanbul trip during December. When I looked back, I realized that I have taken 4 steps to overcome my FEAR;
1. Do not avoid the feelings or suppress them. Dig down deep to see what is hidden...
What I realized in myself and during my session is what we say we are scared about and the real reason we are scared is ALWAYS different. Our first response is the shallow fear that is easy to talk about, easy to hide behind. In my case, I was using my mortgage and money issues. When I start digging, (I always use journaling or healing sessions to dig), I shifted it from money to the need of corporate success, and how I am attached to labels. But for a real digging, you need to keep asking yourself ‘What is the worst thing’ after finding each response. I always tell my clients to write a minimum of 3 pages, the more you write the more you realize the so-called deep fears are only an illusion. The real stuff is really hidden; it usually comes after 3 pages and keep asking yourself “What is the worst thing’ a minimum of 5 times! And if you don’t have the patience to ask or if you keep finding the same replies, you are basically not ready to face reality.
2. When you find the hidden root cause of Fear, work on healing the bottom belief
To be honest, the bottom limiting belief is usually a very painful realization, it comes with tears, it is a shameful and heavy AHA moment and usually, it is never related to what you have been telling yourself! My realization took me to a scene from when I was 10 years old; there was little me, seeking love and approval, it was not labels, it was not money, it was related to fear of earning LOVE. This scene was so powerful it made me realize one day I need to write a book about it (not today 😉) Instead of ignoring or realizing, I stayed in the painful session for healing and shifting my limiting beliefs. Here you do not need to have a session to heal it, there are so many ways to use self-healing methods. The best way is to start with forgiving yourself and others, check my blog on self-forgiving work. What is important here is daring to heal it, working on shifting it instead of running away!
3. Reach out to 1 real friend/mentor to remind you of who you can be
When fear really hits you, in order to start the first 2 steps, you need someone who can remind you who you are by honoring your legitimate fear without pampering. I usually say it’s a loving slap in the face because in these situations you need to reach out to someone that you trust, that inspires you, someone who doesn’t like victim stories and can dare to tell you that ‘you are an idiot with a big heart’. What I realized over the years, my light people are not the ones that I see or talk to frequently, they are there to reach out in your dark hours with no judgment and they have the ability to combine logic with love. It is easier with your close friends, family or partners. However, you need pampering as well as logic from your relationship, so I would choose someone else! If you are in a relationship that supports your dreams indefinitely, reach out to both! There I was in Seattle, I left a voice message to my dream mentor and another one to my partner 🙂
The next day I received the most logical slap in the face tone of message that was pure inspiration from the woman that I admire! You really need at least one person to keep up the game! In this period of my life, I am blessed to have a partner who is there to hold my hand in my constant mood swings and I received the most logical reply that was purely talking to my heart! (and yes it took so many years of healing to find love…)
4. After your realization, take ACTION even if you don't feel like it
To be honest, I do not know any healing sessions or self-realization where all is done, fear is gone and boom your life is changed - I wish! The previous steps are there to feel empowered so that you can take the action! I have seen so many people in healing courses who spend all their time, energy and money just digging without actions. You need to start from somewhere, in my case I just send an official email to my employer, book a class in Bali for my sabbatical and start the process with whatever I can. Every little step counts, so better to start with one, if you need motivation, here is an amazing video that can remind you that there is only one-way… You need to take the action 😉 I will devote a newsletter on how to take intuitive actions over FEAR!
I recently shared it with a beautiful client, who dared to take action (and copied me in to his email for proof 😀 you made it and I wanted to honor you in this blog post!)
With Love,
Gül
P.S When you are reading this blog post; I will be on a long flight to the Philippines to start my sabbatical! I will keep sharing newsletters from sunny places by the sea 😊 I had to cancel all my bookings including flight tickets last week due to an unexpected 40-degree fever. All experience made SURRENDER to the system. Next week is my forced SURRENDER EXPERIMENT on my sabbatical…